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here it is I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals. "If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, just let them...'cause MAN, they're gone!! ', I think a funny thing to say is 'Because God is crying.' And when that child asks me why God is crying, I think another funny thing to say is "It's probably because of something you did." "I bite into a ripe, juicy, succulant melon the other day..then I realized it wasn't a really a melon, it was... I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. "Probably one of the main problems with owning a robot is when you want him to go out in the snow to get the paper, he doesn't want to go because it's so cold, so you have to get out your whip and start whipping him, and the kids start crying, and oh why did I ever get this stupid robot? You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months warm, happy, and floatingyou finish off as an orgasm. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke.

Probably my favorite because I was working on an opera when I first read it. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". " "Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. (I know I'll get this wrong, but it goes something like...) If I was ever in a war, instead of a grenade, I'd throw one of those small pumpkin things.

20) If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.

That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.12) When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.

“Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.

You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.” “When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.” “To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.” “If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.” “Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you a long in a way you've never known before. I'm thinking of a monorail.” “If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.” “If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins.

But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking that, you can throw a real grenade at them.” See More Laughs Follow Marlo on Twitter: @Marlo Thomas Weekly Newsletter Sign up to receive my email newsletter each week - It will keep you up-to-date on upcoming articles, Mondays with Marlo guests, videos, and more!

Top 3, in descending order: 3)If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. Then maybe when everyone sees that, they'll laugh and realize how stupid war is.

2)You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? 1)The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? And while they're doing that, I'll throw a real grenade at them. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head.